It's 01:05 a.m. and I have just been thinking all night, haven't slept yet since this morning. I am thinking about everything I possibly can. Thinking of my little boy, my fiance, my life. Sometimes I wish it could be different. Let me go back to the beginning of my senior year in high school.
It's maybe a month or so into my senior year, bowling is going good, we hope to get enough girls to be able to compete in districts in the beginning of November and be about to go to states a week later. As it gets closer and closer to districts we have had girls come and go, which means no districts and states for us, well at least with districts we can participate in the morning round. It was so much fun competing at districts for the last time. Me and Marc have been talking, okay well really him. He was thinking we should break up because he doesn't know where we will be at the end of our senior year. He knows I want to get my AA at DSC and transfer to UCF and get my BA in Criminal Justice and work with FWC(Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission). He just feels that we will go our own ways.
I was able to tell him that no matter what we will always be together. Then a few weeks later we get the news that I am pregnant, although just a few days earlier we went to the fair and I went on rides not really knowing whether I was or not, thankfully I didn't suffer from a miscarriage.
We have been together for 3 1/2 years, and we have a beautiful baby boy who will be 9 months tomorrow (22nd).
Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE both of my boys to death. I wouldn't change my life for anything. Although during my thinking, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if me and Marc did break up and we went our own ways, would we find our way back to each other? Would we fall in love with different people? If we ever got back together, would we still be the same? Or would we change? Would I get my degree in Criminal Justice and work for FWC? Or would I have gotten my degree then decided Military? Army? Navy? Marines? Air Force? I just can't help but wonder what my life would be like if we met but broke up like all my past relationships. Would I still be sitting here in my room listening to We the Kings, wearing an engagement ring on my finger, while a little 9 month old sleeps in his crib right next to my bed? All these questions, that I don't have answers for. Will I ever? Maybe, maybe not. I just can't help it, how would my life have turned out if it didn't end up this way? Would I ever settle down and have a family in the future? Would I ever get married? Would I ever live on my own?
All these questions, with no answers...but you know what, I LOVE my life the way it is. And the people in it.
XO Christine
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